biting my nails
and all of the skin around them. A coworker once told me that by forcing my body to continuously reproduce so many cells around my fingernails, I'm essentially sowing the seeds of cancer. Nice. I don't believe that explanation, but still. Nice nonetheless.
There are too many unknowns in my professional life right now. Publications, grants,.... Okay, so just publications and grants. Three of the first, one of the second. And I know for sure that I'll hear about two of them next week, which makes me nervous. What's worse? Hearing bad news or just carrying on with life, not knowing? Note that I haven't really left room for good news. I'm at that pivotal point: the third-year review comes in April. If I'm really going to write this book--and I am and it's going to be damn good--I have to feel secure about other publications so that I don't find myself in the unfortunate situation of sinking all my time into one big thing when the smaller things didn't work out.
Welcome to the inside of my head. Where fire-breathing dragons wait around every corner. And trap doors look like lollipops. And the lollipops shatter as you're falling falling falling (so you can't even taste the sweetness).
Labels: writing
posted by aerobil @ 2:47 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Deja Vu. I've had the same exact anxieties about investing in a "big" project and the subsequent possibility of neglecting other things. Ultimately I think we've got to make such decisions based on whichever projects we're most passionate about. Good luck with the book project...keep us updated on progress.
I am unconvinced that the world is any darker in your head than in most other people's (or at least most other academics'; we're a pretty neurotic bunch). The difference is that you actually describe it!
And as one who's had a glimpse of those book plans: it will indeed rock.
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