today's thought experiment
On the phone this afternoon with Hillary, who's just come back from the funeral of her husband's coworker. Hillary describes the big to-do, the religion, the pastor trying to convert the masses, etc.
Me: When I'm dead, have a party.
H: Well, yeah, we'll all be celebrating that you've finally gotten what you've wanted since you could speak.
Me: Yeah, if you had a nickel for every time I said I'd shoot myself....
H: It'll be too bad that it wasn't by gunshot.
Me: If I'm still single when I'm 35, I'm shooting myself.
H groans.
Me: No, really. How many people do you know who are 35 and single?
She names Mike somebody.
Me: Yes, but is he normal?
H: He's funny. We make sure he's at every party we go to.
Me: But he's got issues, doesn't he?
H: Well, he does wash his car a lot.
Me: Tonight that's your job. Think of one person over 35 who's still single and not got major issues and I won't shoot myself.
H says something to the effect of wanting to shoot me herself.
Me: Hey, I was supposed to be dead if I was 30 and single. You're lucky I'm still here.
H: Make sure you share that line with your therapist. 'You're lucky I'm still here.'
posted by aerobil @ 3:02 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
So, you think coupled people don't have major issues??
Never said that. But there's REALLY something wrong with someone that can't find someone.
No, there really isn't. It's really much better to be you, with you, doing what you love to be doing, and to challenge those who would be part of that to be part of it without denying you yourself, than to sell out to the idea of being coupled and hope you can find a place for yourself and your own desire in that coupled space, only to give up precious years (12 of them, if anyone is counting), only to end up as you sort of were, childless, alone, and still trying to find space to be the person you know you want to be.
You have a head start - you have a career you chose, you love what you do, you love the life you live, your dog, and your friends. Never let the invented need to be "coupled" take any of that from you.
Whoever he is who would be with you (and I'm assuming the he part) has to have room in him for all that you have become and all the life you have. If you can find that, fabulous. But please don't ever sell your wonderful self short for anything less just to be with someone. You deserve better, even if it means rethinking what it would mean to be 35, single, successful, and happy with your friends and your dog and your academic life.
:)
Thanks, Chris. The other part of this is that my only unmarried friend is leaving in two weeks, which makes me sad on all kinds of levels.
I have to say that Chris's post is quite incisive and really one of the most encouraging things I've read in a long time. Single people of the world, unite! (albeit singly? independently?). Now, let's see how we feel a day from now . . . a week from now . . .
former jerseyguy now renoguy
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