oh thee of the curved ass, speak to me

S. and I recently bought two twin beds, which we've pushed together to pretend that we actually sleep in the same bed. Same size as a king, see. But I get to have my own blankets and I don't feel when he twitches in his sleep. Also, when one of us is sick, we can push the other away. All kinds of benefits, these beds.

The other morning Belly jumped up on the beds to snuggle up with us. But really she just wanted to lick S. to death. I swear she thinks he needs to be bathed by her at least three times a day. Vigorously. Oh, that tongue of hers. She'll give him a couple kisses on his face and then start in on his hands and arms. She will clean him until I tell him to stop because, well, I need snuggles too. As she was coming over to my side of the bed, one of her legs fell into the crevasse between the beds.

"Honey, Belly just fell into the crevasse."

"The curved ass?"

"Who has a curved ass?"

"Everyone has a curved ass."

"Everyone but the Julie Wonka. She's got that tortilla butt."

Later when I tell the Wonka this little funny, she tells me that with all the spinning she's been doing, her butt's developing not a curve so much as a swerve.

She nearly made me spit my diet coke all over the newly painted walls. A swerved ass. That's a reach if I've ever heard one.