embodiment
Last night S. and I attended a visitation for a very close friend of his who died of cancer at age 46. Scary how that puts things into perspective. S. will be 45 next month. At the visitation, there was a closed casket, which confused me a bit because I knew that S.'s friend was going to be cremated. At dinner afterward, I learned that cremation still requires that the family purchase a casket; the whole thing goes into the furnace with the body inside.
All sentiment aside, this seems to me to be a racket. I've never warmed to the idea of cremation in the first place, but this makes me nuts. The idea of a multi-thousand-dollar casket getting buried in the ground made me kind of nuts, but this makes me double nuts. I've always said I want to be buried in the thinnest possible pine box so that I can become part of the earth sooner rather than later. In fact, I asked S. if he would just bury me in the back yard next to Belly (can't bear the thought of burning that beautiful body), but since that's illegal, I've decided to donate my body to science. Do something useful with me. Let someone learn how to perform plastic surgery on my chin that never really existed in the first place. Let someone learn how to do heart surgery or how to remove a spleen. If I leave this world with a body in tact enough to be of use in some way, go for it. Shit, use me as a crash-test cadaver.
S. and I are having all the important documents that come along with marriage being made up as we speak. I guess I better put this wish somewhere in there. If I die before that happens, use this blog entry in court. Set a precedent.
Labels: death
posted by aerobil @ 5:49 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
We personally feel that the earth is for the living, not the dead. Ergo, cremation is our choice. If you're going anywhere, you've gone, anyway. Memorials, markers, cemetaries are for the living to come to grips with their own lives after loss.
You might check with a rabbi. Judaism calls for pine boxes in Europe, where no one embalms or uses concrete liners anyway. I don't know how the Jews do it in this country, but the undertaker when my mother died had his office in a BP Service Station cellar! He had a "Juden" casket of plain pine on display next to the ornate metal casket that had been used to ship a body back to Europe from America for burial (I wonder if the person had been scared of flying).
Because of public approval/disapproval I chose a medium-priced casket for my mother, of wood, but stained, polished, and with curlicues. I was horrified by the whole procedure.
However, the one good thing about the Swiss is that they bury you for free! And instead of going out and hiring a cosmetician to do your hair and make-up and instead of buying a burial dress, they have regulation male and female white night gowns, and the only way you can tell a person's religion is how they fold your hands over your bosom! (The front or back opening takes care of the gender issue for skeletons.)
They also recycle cemetaries in Europe. That generally takes care of the current generation's worth of burials (but they also have mausoleums for cremains), and then they add 60 years, after which they plow everything up and use the land for a kindergartens, parks, schools, or other civic functions. Their logic is that no next of kin is still around to visit the grave anyway--and they take care of that by making you pay up front for perpetual care of the gravesite, which entitles you to so and so many plants at such and such seasons of the year. There's really nothing like Swiss efficiency!
Unfortunately, my very British mother would have had a cow over the whole proceedings, but she died at a very inconvenient moment in time--her British clergyperson was on vacation! There was no Plan B available.
As you may imagine, I heard about that from some of her "friends." But my husband, who was recuperating from cataract surgery and had initially been forbidden to fly, surprised me by showing up and holding a beautiful eulogy in English. And he didn't even like the woman! Must be true love!
We have decided that we do not have sufficient funds for a funeral, and also no desire for that type of public closure. If his kids want his body, fine. I have no kids.
My cousin, incidentally, did exactly what you are doing--donated her body to science, and the univesity took care of the burial of what remained.
shoe
The whole "you have to buy a casket" bit is, in fact, a bit of a scam--there are lots of options, but if you haven't investigated them in advance, those closest to you probably won't be in the best position emotionally to resist sales pressures.
There are even societies that will do low-cost cremations--you can skip the funeral home entirely. But again, you have to know what the options are.
And you're right--I've put off putting this stuff in writing for decades, now, and there's no excuse. I'll put it on this summer's list...
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