if nothing else, there's a pattern
Look at what I wrote exactly one year ago.
Now hear this: I'm feeling utterly down. Knowing that there's a pattern to it doesn't really change the way it feels, alas. I'm feeling like I work and work and work and I'll never be done working and I'll just never be done. Not that I want it to be done because then what would I do with myself? But perhaps an entire day off would be nice.
But then even if I had an entire day off, I'd still be sad. It's not about work. Still feeling very alone. Really not all that much has changed since I wrote that post a year ago.
I have so many friends, I really do. But I still feel so damn alone. It's a goddamn curse.
posted by aerobil @ 3:21 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Are you using your light box?
Um, long-time reader (and friend), first-time commenter.
I hear you, my dear. The loneliness and the patterns of self doubt are wretched. I'm writing because I was just sitting on the sofa (alone), watching an SVU repeat, winding a ball of yarn (yarn, for Christ's sake!), and staring forlornly at a book that steals a great deal of my dissertating thunder. (Not reading the book, mind you--I can't bring myself to read it. Far too demoralizing.) I've definitely hit a wall work-wise (actually, I hit it a long while ago), and I'm feeling pretty isolated out here.
[Sidebar: When will I "hit a wall" whining-wise, I wonder?]
Anyway, February is always a bitch. As that nice, folky, Western MA favorite, Dar Williams once said: "And February was so long that it lasted into March." Yup.
So, perhaps it's time for a phone call or two? I miss you. I read the blog all the time, and I think of you often. But, as I think I've mentioned before, the blog does tend to give me the illusion that we're in touch when actually I'm just lurking around not sharing. I'll try to do better.
So, I guess what I'm saying is, if a nice chat with a similarly down pal would help, I'm your gal.
love you. that is all.
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