why that thought experiment wasn't really fair
Most of my friends are married or in long-term relationships. Most. Not all. So when a coupled friend tries to play that game with me, they ultimately fail. They fail most obviously because, well, they can't think of very many people over 35 who are single and not freaks. And, as Hillary put it this morning, she's not gonna play this game because when she can't name anyone, it just makes me feel bad.
Me: Yes, but it also makes me right.
And I still have friends, how?
They also fail when they tell me not to fall prey to the constructed need for coupledom. They fail because that's like someone with millions of dollars saying money doesn't matter.
So I apologize to my friends for starting this. I've still got a year and four months to go before doomsday, so until then I shall celebrate my singlehood.
Hillary, this morning on the phone: I guess I should call Shirley.
Me: What, so you have friends other than me?
H: I need backups for when you're dead.
posted by aerobil @ 8:10 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
How about your friends who *seemed* to have a great relationship, but were in fact faking it for a long time? What does *that* do to your experiment, Miss Thang? (I see your point, though...)
perhaps faking it proves my point even more, that being coupled, no matter how unhappy, is believed to be better than being single.
Yes. We live in fear of aloneness. I read some of the profiles on match, and there's such a raw need. It's going to take courage for us to redefine our adult lives in terms of some other way(s) of being intimate and supported and valued.
Darnit.
First, we are all alone. Believe it. Accept it. Live with it. Even if you are coupled, you are only coupled during the 15 minutes of sex--the rest is an illusion, your illusion, his illusion, maybe.
Then, it is absolutely, no way, never has been, better to be coupled than single when the coupledom is consummated under false pretenses, for reasons of personal greed and ambition, as a matter of convenience, because you were too big a coward to act on the courage of your convictions of what was really important in your life, i.e., if you are living a lie.
And, yes, there have been many 35-year-old singles, and even many 53-year-old singles who eventually got hitched, with and without issues--just take a really good look around you and you'll see--who are living in a hell of their own making. (My wife doesn't understand me!)
Why, because they were too cowardly to live the life they really wanted to live with the person they really wanted to live with, because . . .
Read Buddha!
Identify yourself, anonymous.
You don't know me from Adam (or Eve), and actually knowing my name wouldn't mean anything. I happened on to your blog while perusing several blogs as I was trying to make up my mind to see if I wanted to start one myself.
I'll be 70 next birthday, but I have just started a new career--a matter of pecuniary necessity. I taught a semester as an adjunct at one time at a nameless university (I am not an English major). I am also arrogant, opinionated, and do my fair share of railing against the slings and arrows of this world, because I, too, am vulnerable, fragile, and care too much. I was not educated in this country, but have lived here since 1959.
My basic message is: if someone does not love you enough to let you be yourself, and does not appreciate who you are, you are 100% better off being alone. I am currently tied to a man who is 13 years my senior, and some days I think I am living a skit by Laurel and Hardy (Who's on first).
Nothing is constant in life, and you are the only rock you have to lean on--but that should never stop you from having a whale of a good time! It's a great ride.
I am childless, by choice. But that doesn't mean that there haven't been times when I have regretted my decision. No matter what you do in life, you will always be looking over your shoulder at what could have been, what might have been, how you should have acted, what you ought to have said. That's life.
Luv ya, and that cute doggie. I have an awsome pussy cat, who may become the heroine of a new series of children's books if some friends and I can get together on how to do it.
So, now you know ;)
thanks, but at least give yourself a screen name. Anonymous is so totally generic.
All you have to do to get to my heart is tell me you love my cute doggie.
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