job ad: Annabelle petter

Full-time. Five positions open. Beautiful, high-maintenance, doggie wog seeks five humans to serve as full-time petters. Positions to be filled immediately (my mommy doesn't pet me enough). Pay is pretty low, but benefits are good. Medical: I'll lower your blood pressure and help you lose weight with lots of walks. You'll develop upper body strength, particularly in the upper arms, from petting me nonstop. Dental: I'll brush your teeth for you first thing in the morning. Sick days: As many as you need, as long as your arms are still working. Vacation: summers off since Mommy's home with me.

Serious applications only to Lyings and Tirades and Fears, Oh My! I trust my mommy, who works way too much, will forward applications to me out of guilt for not petting me enough.

An equal opportunity employer.