stuffed with goodness

That's been my year. Here it is in the end-o'-year meme.

January: No big life-changing resolutions here, folks.

February: There's a difference between sleepy and tired, of course. I'm not the least bit sleepy. I'm just T.I.R.E.D.

March: [title: the tootin' of my own horn] That, I believe, is the only way to describe this entry.

April: Here's Belly in our front yard chomping on a Nylabone, happy as can be.

May: S. and I watched Little Children last night.

June: You know how there are certain friends that you can never seem to reach, and then when you do reach them, there's never enough time to catch up, so that eventually talking to them seems almost like too much work?

July: I wish I had a penchant for exaggeration because I don't know how words can possibly express how unbelievably exhausted and, well, made of rubber I felt last night after painting for two days at S.'s house.

August: Go Cubbies! Bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth, one out, and the winning run scores by stealing.

September: It's official, folks.

October: Last night I watched our taped version of Grey's Anatomy, and Jesus H. on a popsicle stick, I almost turned it off halfway through.

November: S. and I were like old people last night.

December: Here's the girl in her brand new, superhuge Bagel Bed.

My favorites: August and November. So, so telling of the kind of year this has been. I became a die-hard Cubbies fan, and S. and I now live together comfortably like old people. Dang.

huh?

setting: the dog park

time: today, 3:30ish

Sahara: I read your blog. Are you still sad?

Me: Nah, I'm okay. It comes and goes with this gloomy weather. And the end of the semester.

Pause.

Me: But what the hell, I haven't had anything to blog about. Why don't I have anything to write about?

Nan: Well, maybe it's cuz you're finally happy.

Me: Yeah, I've got nothing to bitch about.

Fat, boring, and happy. Here I am.

at the end of the day

A gem of wisdom last night from, of all places, Grey's Anatomy. I know, I know, should I really be living my life with respect to the cliches and commonplaces of this mediocre television show? Well, no. But. It got me thinking. Meredith, in her voiceover at the end of the show, says something along the lines of, you know you're with the right person when you can say that, at the end of the day, you come home to the person you most want to talk to.

About a week ago, S. was reading my blog with me standing over his shoulder (oh, that's ripe for analysis, ain't it?) and commented on how I haven't written about him lately. "In fact," said he, "I think I'll go through and count how many times I've appeared on the blog." He was kidding, of course. But it got me thinking about why I haven't blogged about him very much and I think that that, combined with the relative lack of things to write about lately, leads to an insight about the ways that this blog has functioned for me.

It has served as a way for me to maintain contact with people, as a way to share things at the end of the day, even if that meant sharing things with a computer screen rather than a human being. Now that I'm sharing more of my day-to-day stuff with S., I'm finding myself more at a loss for what to write here. This is not to say, of course, that I won't continue blogging--I love my blog. But I don't want to write about S. in ways that compromise what we have together. Cuz it's really, really good. This summer I was complaining to a dear friend about being single. He asked me what was wrong with the men I'd met. "They're stupid." "You don't need smart. You need someone who's gonna be good to you." Lest you read this as a comment on S.'s intelligence, don't. He's smart and articulate and still so willing to see things from different perspectives without needing to defend his position (which I can't always do). Instead, read this as a comment on S.'s goodness. He is a good person and he is an even better man.

At the end of the day, I've somehow managed to find someone I'm eager to talk to, someone I can't wait to share the details of my day with, someone who makes me laugh, someone who is so so good to me. I can only try to be so good.

Blogger now has categories!

Okay, folks, help me come up with categories for the miscellany that is Lyings and tirades and fears, oh my!

Belly
dreams
teaching
students
fuh-neeeeee
doggies
S.
Wonka
writing
stressin' out
dog park
whining
meta

breathe some life into this blog, dammit

er, I mean, Happy Hollow-weenie!

I'm feeling stunted in the blog department. Nothing funny, nothing creative to say. And nothing really to report. Perhaps I've hit the point in my life when life is just a daily grind. Now that I can't bitch about being alone, what can I bitch about? I mean, isn't that what blogs are for--bitching about things that aren't simply perfect in our lives?

I'm bringing Krispy Kreme pumpkin-shaped donuts to class tonight. Yummers.

Part of my problem lately is that I'm reading all these files from job applicants and I'm feeling like I'm not publishing enough. I've got two things out there and Becky and I are doing the book, but it all feels so damn unfinished. I wrote a grant proposal this semester and I did my Watson paper, which I want to turn into something, but still I feel so damn unproductive.

Hmmm, I wonder if any of this has to do with it getting dark so damn early? Harumph.

pooped. simply pooped.

Exhausting week. Close friend had surgery for cancer. Lots of visits to the hospital, lots of worry, but as of now it seems like things are okay. Scary stuff. Which then makes me want to step back and appreciate all the good things I have in my life. And there are many.

But before I did that this morning, I had to bathe the girl after she rolled in something quite foul in the dog park.

I think this is officially the first weekend since the semester began when I HAVE NO GRADING TO DO. Holy shee-it, batman.

Doing happy hour with some grad students later as a way of forcing them to take a break and have some laughs. October breakdowns are aplenty.

I hate not blogging. And then I hate coming back to blogging after having not blogged for a while cuz there's so much to say, but first I gotta explain why I haven't been blogging. It's exhausting. Like catching up with an old friend I haven't spoken with in months.

And now I'm at the point where I've been running running running going going going for so long I'm not sure I know how to take a few hours for myself this afternoon. What does Amy-time look like anymore?

Flannel sheets and snuggly doggies who no longer stink. That's a start.