fiasco; and my funny, funny girl
8:30 this morning, I show up at Julia's house with Annabelle. The plan: go to breakfast at Denny's then come back to her house and play Scrabble while the dogs play together. I get out of the car and bring Belly over to the yard. Tucker's thrilled to see her, and to show her his love, he flips up a bird in the air. No, he doesn't flip her the bird, you bad people. He flips a bird up as if to say, "look what I got!" He was clearly showing off.
Except the bird wasn't dead. Julia's cat, Max, aka, Monster Cat, injured the bird but did not kill it. We both screamed. I mean screamed. Woke up whatever members of her neighborhood who weren't already awake. Put all the animals back in the house.
What to do, what to do? The most humane thing to do, of course, is to kill it, but do you think I've got it in me to kill a bird? Nope. You think Julia's got it in her? Nope. The next logical thing: go door to door looking for a man to do the dirty work.
First neighbor. No answer.
Second neighbor. Seems like the whole house is still asleep, so we stand there for a while and finally decide not to ring the doorbell.
Man innocently walking his little pug down the street. Ummmm.... Naah, that's too crazy. Excuse me sir, would you please kill the bird in my yard?
Man across the street? Okay. He answers the door in his white bathrobe. Julia tells him* what's going on, he hesitates for the slightest second, and then says, "I'll take care of it." When he gets dressed and comes across the street, he tells us that he's an old pro at killing birds who are half dead.
Not really sure how he did it.** Not really sure we want to know.
Julia and I thank him and go back in the house. Julia's checkbook is on the floor.
Julia: Where's my purse?
We look around. Her credit cards and receipts and other various wallet stuffings are strewn across the floor. We look over at Belly, who's been innocently sitting on her blue towel since we got in. She stands up. Julia and I both see it at the same time.
Belly's got Julia's purse looped around her neck. I crack up.
Belly: We ready to go to breakfast or what, people? I've got my money.
* My favorite part of this "telling: "blubber blubber blubber...bird...injured...blubber blubber...suffering....and you're a man...." Holy lord.
**Okay, really, he probably suffocated it. Or broke its neck. ugh.