S. writes verse

He composed this on Sunday, the morning after the Cubs collapsed. He recited it to me Sunday night, and I had to smile and have a meta-moment: how fun it is to live with someone with such a great sense of humor. I offer it here, unedited, for your pleasure.

Homage to a Total Collapse

The corner of Clark & Addison
was jubilant that day
the Cubs had won the Central
with two more games to play

We apologized for all our doubts
for only expecting the worst
for God, in his mysterious ways
had put the Cubs in first

The goat that gave birth to the World Series curse
the cat, the Gatorade glove
Bartman with only five outs away
could never dampen our love

Our lovable losers were always there
for 81 games a year
to entertain first and then break the hearts
of the fans who held them dear

On a cold October night in 03
& the North Side fans in heaven
three games to two & now we’re back home
with Prior for game six & Wood for seven

Then fate stepped in when the Marlins won
& the Cubbies were shown the door
but we held on to hope that wouldn’t die
for next year was 2004

So we crossed our fingers & prayed to God
that this is finally the season
but after finishing the year losing 7 of 9
we cried & searched for a reason

05 had only a glimmer of hope
as our roster looked pretty lame
the Sosa purge was our complete off-season
after he ditched the last 04 game

The Orioles offered Tejada for trade
the price being Prior or “Z”
but Hendry also demanded Bedard or Cabrera
& the transaction would never be

No big moves were made this off-season
but Hendry was laughing with glee
for Prior & Wood would be healthy all year
& pitch like they did in 03

But both our aces got hurt as we know
their Achilles & elbows broke down
& some of our fans bemoaned the trade
that would have brought Tejada to town

05 stumbled on as we watched in denial
the Sox helped us live all our fears
their championship drought was over at last
& our bleacher bums cried in their beers

06 was over by opening day
Hendry’s hope again in Prior & Wood
but the usual happened to both of our stars
& the teams played as bad as the could

Although Dusty’s welcome was over that year
we can’t blame the woes all on him
the pitchers were going down one at a time
and now fingers pointed at Jim

Hendry did little to aid our dear Cubs
& it came back to bite one & all
when we looked at the standings at the close of the year
we knew it would be a long Fall

Now Dusty was gone & we counted on Lou
but Hendry was now just beginning
he re-signed Ramirez & brought Fonzie & Floyd
& now he was talking ‘bout winning

More was to come like DeRosa, Marquis
Ward, Fontenot, Kendall & Lilly
& anyone picking us other than first
was thought to be rather silly

With “Z” starting slow & our hitters not hitting
our new players adjusting to town
hopes were extinguished like flames in the rain
our smiles one collective sad frown

But Lou finally pulled a tirade one day
his ejection brought a jolt to our team
the hits started coming, the pitching was good
& we were starting to realize our dream

“Z” woke up after a fight with Barrett
& for two months was pitching “lights out”
the good play kept coming, the wins piling up
& we lost all our traces of doubt

Now August was making us nervous all month
the Brewers & Cards on our flank
the same question arose in everyone’s thoughts
would we win or just go in the tank?

But the bats woke up in September again
& the Cardinals had started to drop
it was now only us & the team to the North
who we knew would eventually flop

Fonzie caught fire, the pitchers were stout
& we sped past the Brewers at last
with one week to go in this magical year
the curse seemed to be in the past

Again we were bitten by the team from 03
as the critics delighted with doubt
but with help from the Padres & our rivals the Cards
the Brewers went tumbling out

First place at last after only four years
we would now crush the Champs of the West
our Cubbies would be the first to win three
the D-Backs maybe one game at best

But the Cubs showed up having forgotten their bats
tho “Z” matched Webb ball for ball
then Lou yanked “Z” cause he needed his rest
& we’d end up regretting this call

Now Marmol was in, we relaxed just a bit
for all year he had kept our leads going
but after one inning the D-Backs had won
from a homer that flew like a Boeing

Okay, that’s their win, now we’ll take it in four
with Lilly we know there’s a good chance
but that night was different, as he looked like a man
who was scared that he’d pee in his pants

Soto’s dinger might save us, but Lilly was bad
& Lou left him in way too long
at the end of the night we had lost 8-4
now three wins in a row or we’re gone

Back home to Chicago, where we’ll win three & four
Arizona’s walking into our trap
however, that night, we learned a good lesson
that you don’t win while playing like crap

Our boppers did nothing but swing at each pitch
whether it looked like a strike or a ball
at the end of the night we had lost 5-1
three games caused our season to fall

I give our opponents the credit they’re due
as they took the field ready to play
their pitching was good & they scratched for their runs
and won all three playing their way

All year the Cubs fought, like each game they would win
and we knew we’d compete for each game
but for three nights in October, to everyone’s shock
they played so incredibly lame

O’ somewhere they’re laughing & drinking Champagne
corks popping & good cigars smoked
but that won’t be happening at Wrigley tonight
as our Cubbies have once again choked!

what it was like, watching the Cubs collapse

Game 3, Saturday evening, over a frozen California Pizza Kitchen pizza (holy shitters, was it good. The Margherita, people. Get it. Crispy crispy):

Me: It's like watching a car accident. I can't look away. I know I should, but somehow I want to see more blood and guts.

S.: This is like watching old people eat.

the Cubs are gonna give me a stroke

It's not at all that I want the Cubs to just go ahead and lose so that I can stop worrying about them. I want them to win, I want them to get to the playoffs, I want them to make it to the World Series.

But I'd also like a rest from this anxiety.

I'd like to begin reading at night again.

I'd like to stop planning my evening Annabelle walks around the Cubs schedule.

Who am I kidding? I don't really want to stop planning my evening walks around their schedule. But I do feel like I've forgotten the pleasure of reading each night. Today they're on at 3:05, so by 6 I'll have the evening free.

I'm a nervous wreck. I don't like this 2-game lead. I don't like Milwaukee. I was actually rooting for the Cardinals last night. Holy macaroni.

For the record, I now have one more thing to talk with students about. I'm learning to do the baseball talk thing. I can officially participate in male bonding rituals.

S. keeps telling me that I'm not a true Cub fan until they've broken my heart. Does a stroke count?

I'm gonna miss most of tonight's game

Teaching is now officially interfering with my addiction. Tonight's Cubbies game is at 7, and I teach until 8:20.

But seriously, folks. I love that baseball is on EVERY. DAY. It's like I've found this fantastic new prime time show and it's on every night. I don't have to wait until next week for the drama to continue. These last few games have been stomach-turning drama.

I always used to wonder how people could sit inside and watch sports on a perfectly gorgeous summer or, especially, fall day. Now I get it. S. and I had to do some shopping on Saturday afternoon and we wished that we had a little mini tv to carry around with us. As it was, we got into the car, turned the AM station on and got very very mad when they went--no lie--two or three minutes without telling us the SCORE. S. says, "This is just bad radio."

But we won. And then we lost. And then we won again.

And tonight, stay tuned for more drama.

I love this stuff.

I've become one of those people

...who yells at baseball players on TV. Like, what the fuck, how did you miss that ball? And um hello, what on earth are you swinging at? This isn't golf.

I have lost complete touch with myself. I no longer know who I am.

But I do know that the Cubbies play today at 1:00, so I'm planning my painting around that. This morning I'll work, have lunch with the Wonka, then go over to S.'s place to paint a second coat on my soon-to-be home office--and listen to the Cubbies.

And I'm not exactly in the know, but um, do we loathe Barry Bonds or what? His name will forever be associated with steroids in my mind, and um, he looks like he knows nobody likes him. And Will Ohman, S.'s least favorite Cubbie, struck him out last night. That felt good.

Look at me with all my sports talk. Call the paramedics.

Cubbies!

I picked a good year to become a Cubbies fan, I think. Am I jinxing things by saying that? Last night S. went to an indoor football game with a friend and I stayed home and watched the Cubs beat Pittsburgh. Yes, this is Amy writing. Nobody has coopted my blog. It's really me who stayed home and watched the Cubbies. Will wonders never cease? I was going to rent a movie, but then I decided that a baseball game requires less full-on attention. So I caught up on magazines with the game on.

We're going back up to Chicago on Friday to see the Cubbies play Houston. This heat wave is allegedly going to break on Wednesday, so we should be okay. The first 20,000 fans get a present (last time it was a Cubs Sharpie--I love Sharpies!), so we gotta get there in time for that.

Busy busy summer. I'm exhausted. Tired but not sleepy. S.'s house is coming along, though. We did the hallway on Friday--a golden yellow called Willow's Gold. Who comes up with these names? Next is the foyer, which is gonna be a bitch because of the stairs and the height. English Ivy that one's called. I won't be painting on a ladder, but S. will. I promise to post pics as soon as we put in the fake floor. Right now the carpet cannot show up in any photos. Local ordinances say so.

As for my writing, it's coming along very slowly. I've got so much guilt for actually having a life and not working all the time. But I guess this is why I worked all the time: so I can have a life.

This afternoon I'm doing a different kind of painting: pottery. Haven't done that in months and I'm looking forward to some girl time.

Go Cubbies!

never thought I'd see the day

Um, HELL-O.

On Sunday afternoon, with no honey around, I turned on the television to watch the Cubs.

Let me repeat that.

All. By. Myself. I turned on the television to watch the Cubs. S. had told me that they were on earlier that morning, but still. This is a major. move. on. my. part. Am. I. overusing. the. every. word. period. thing? Mayhaps.

But oh how the drone of the crowd in the background gets to me. And the announcers who NEVER. SHUT. UP. Can't they let a minute or two go by with just, I don't know, happy silence? I often prefer to watch baseball with the sound muted, but on Sunday with that 8th inning craziness, I had to listen to the announcers telling me what was going on. That base running looked like something our softball team would've done last year.

Who am I? Last night S. and I watched part of the game and when I got home, I had to turn it on to see what was happening. This before I watched a rerun of Close to Home.

S. is playing Scrabble. I'm watching the Cubbies. Voluntarily.

Things, they is wacky here in the middle o' Illinois. Simply wacky.

And look, I'm even making a new category for posts: baseball.

Holy shitters.